Volume Three.

I awoke with the curtain teasingly tickling my nose. The sun had found my eyes and it was time to start the day. I’m sure it was going to be an interesting one. I had barely raised my head and I already knew what kind of Saturday it was. It was one of those Saturdays that actually felt like a Sunday. One of those were you had no desire to do anything worthwhile. I just wanted to sit and ponder the past week and anticipate the next one. I stretched my arms out as far as I could as if I was about to hug a bear. As I stretched the kinks and knots out of my body I let out a somber yawn. I had a wide mouth. It almost hurt to yawn sometimes.

“Good morning. It is awfully early for you to be up on a Saturday.”

That was my mother. She was your typical cynical workaholic with an addiction to cigarettes and caffeine; coffee in particular. I loved her either way. She kept me in line and made sure all my shit was in order when I was lagging behind. She truly was my rock.

I favored both of my parents, but most people told me I looked more like my mother. Although, I think they got that from the fact that I sported a longer haircut. She was tall for a woman her age. She was around 50 around this time. She never really disclosed her age to me, but my parents had me late in life.

“What’s to eat” I let out with a low grumble.

“Are you hungry? Maybe there is something in the kitchen, but your Dad and I are going fishing with your Uncle today. Are you going?”

My Dad went fishing the first weekend of every month with my uncle, Jed. A hapless loser, Jed had no wife and more kids than any of his other brothers. My dad was his only amusement. I felt sorry for my mom. She was going to regret going, but I wasn’t going to talk her out of it. I really wanted to have the house to myself that day.

“No. I have plans.” I said.

“What are you going to do?” My dad butted in with his tackle box in one hand and his hat in another.

My dad really did resemble an older version of me with glasses, a mustache, and much shorter hair. I saw a baby photo of my father once and thought it was me. He was shorter than I was by this point, and had a beer belly that Samuel Adams would have been proud of. All of my friends thought he was hilarious. That he was. My dad was around the age of 60. He was about 40 when I was born.

“I don’t know yet. I’ll be sure to let you know, old man.”

“Are you taking that Callie girl out again?” He asked as his eyebrows twitched over his forehead.

“I doubt it. She was a sleaze,” I told him.

I was not what you would have called a “Heart Throb” at my school and I was never that interested in dating girls as I never thought any of them were interested in me anyways. I think my lack of dating worried my parents so they continually tried to push me to date any girl I brought around.

“Well we’re gone. Call me if you need us. Money is on the table.”

“Bye,” I said back as they exited the doorway.

I scrambled to find my underwear, but in my effort I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble and returned the back of my head to my pillow. While doing so I began to rub on my other head. My morning wood had decided to make itself known. I began to move my hand up and down slowly as I stretched out my free arm and turned my head into my arm pit.

I spread open my legs, flexed my butt, and slowly lifted my mid-section into the air as I stretched my body. I let out a sigh, a moan of relief as I began stroking my warm erection. I was so relaxed. I lost the will a moment after that. I didn’t think I would ever beat off again. Not after what had happened the day before.

I supposed I had to formulate a plan. What could I say to Trent? I decided to just get dressed and go out and talk to him before this situation got too big and scary to deal with in my own head.

Trent lived outside of town which was kind of nice. The drive allowed me a view of the country and with my music turned up as loud as possible and all my windows down I could just get lost in it all before confronting Trent about walking in on me.

I walked in the front door without knocking. Trent and I we’re close enough that this was considered okay by him and his family. He did this at my house also as you could tell.

“Hey Damon!” Yelled Trent’s mom.

“Good morning, Mrs. Kiedis,” I replied. She must have seen me drive up because I couldn’t see her. I only heard her.

“Trent’s upstairs in his room. You might have to wake him up. Hungry?”

“No ma’am. Thank you though.” How could anyone eat at a time like this?

Mrs. Kiedis was about the nicest lady I had ever met. She had blonde hair and steel blue eyes, which Trent inherited. She was a thin woman in her late 30s and stayed at home. Trent was her only child, although her husband, Trent’s dad, had children from a previous marriage. She truly put her family first and was just a remarkable lady.

I walked up the stairs after trading an informal conversation with Trent’s mom. I took my sweet time as I carefully planned my opening lines to him. I opened his bedroom door to find him sitting on his bed reading.

He looked up at me and our eyes met again. I kept waiting for him to yell at me or push me out the door, but nothing. He brushed his blond bangs out of his eyes and looked back down at his book.

I didn’t want to, but I spoke first, but it seemed like I had dropped every word that I brought with me down the stairs.

“Hey,” I said as I gingerly made my way towards his computer chair.

“Hi.” He said back sharply.

I cut right to the chase. I knew we wouldn’t be able to just ignore this and move on so I began…

“I’m sorry Trent.”

He closed his book in frustration of having to deal with this problem again and spun his head towards my direction.

“I’m really sorry. It was a dumb mistake.”

“I’m not mad that you were jacking off, Damon.”

“Then why the hell did you run off like that?”

“I was mad because you were jacking off while I was at your house. Why did you do that?”

I was becoming very nervous by this point. I could only look at my feet in front of me as he said this.

“….I don’t know Trent. I just had the urge to.” I said as I began to feel myself getting very tense. It didn't help that his room was hot as hell and I could feel my forehead becoming very sweaty.

“What gave you the urge to? Either way I’m not mad about it anymore. I’m just trying to figure out why you did it while I was there and why the door to your bathroom was unlocked…”

“I don’t know what you’re getting at Trent, but I think you have been reading way too many unsolved mystery books. You always dig way too far into stuff. You, as usual, reached the wrong conclusion. I was just horny and decided I wanted to. There is nothing weird going on. Chill.”

I was so full of shit. He had it all figured out. He had me nailed...

“You’re so full of shit Damon. I know what is going on and I have for a while. You think I can’t figure out my best friend?”

He moved off of his bed and I stood up as he did, out of anxiety. He faced me and got almost as close as he could to me. I backed up but my calves ran into the chair behind me and I was forced to stare face to face with him. I could feel him exhaling through his nostrils on my neck. I could smell his cologne as he looked me right in the eyes. It was so intense, the stare, that I was forced to break eye contact.

“You want to fuck me don’t you?” He asked with his cute smile. “You little faggot,” He said as he grinned and let out a low laugh.

I don't know why he smiled. I didn't think this was funny.

“You’re an idiot Trent. You have no idea what you’re talking about anymore. I just needed to blow a load. That was all it was. You are reading too much into it. Anyone could have been there. It didn't matter who. Stop freaking out.”

"You're the one who is freaking out, not me." He said as he folded his arms.

This was not going the way I wanted.

I knew he was about as smart and crafty as I was. I don’t know why I was under the impression that he was dumb enough to buy my excuses. Why did I try to outsmart him? He saw straight through me that time. I had to get out before he nailed me. I pushed past him and as I got to his bedroom door he said something that forced me to stop dead in my shoes. I’ll never forget what he said.

All that time I thought I had played it so smooth with him but…

“Look whose leaving now," He said with sarcasm in his tone. "You think I don’t see the way you stare at me, Damon, but I do. I’ve noticed. I know how you look at me and now I’m calling you on it and you don’t even have the balls to admit it. You’re not as sneaky as you think you are. I see you check me out. Do you think I’m blind? Do you think I'm stupid?”

I didn’t know what to do. I wanted so bad to just keep walking and leave, but instead I slowly shut his bedroom door and gave him an expressionless glance. Then I spun around as fast as I could and leaped on him taking him down to the floor like a leopard would leap on its escaping prey. I had lost it by this point.

“Damn it Damon! That hurts. What the fuck are you doing?” He said moments after I had taken him down.

“Listen to me Trent,” I whispered with a silent anger in my voice.

“What are you doing Damon?” Trent pleaded.

“If you as so much as utter a word of what you just said to me to anyone else I will spill every secret you have ever told me. I will tell Coach Lucas about the time you pissed in his water bottle. I might even tell your mom how that huge dent came to be on her car. If you say anything I will be sure to you with me. I refuse to be FUCKING out-ted like this. Not by my best friend, damn it. Do you understand? This wasn’t supposed to fucking happen!"

My hand covered his mouth to keep him from screaming. I could feel his chest moving up and down rapidly as it rubbed against either side of my thighs. He was scared too. He started to breathe harder and I could see sweat on his forehead as well. I slowly moved my hands off his mouth.

"You have to promise," I said as tears began to form in my eyes while still sitting on top of him.

I wanted so bad to not do that in front of him, but it was all too much. I was not ready for anyone, especially him, to know that I was not completly hetro. It was my darkest secret and that was my worst nightmare.

“Damon, I wouldn’t do that to you," He began as he tried to catch his breath. "We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember.”

I sighed with relief, but I was still weary. I stood up without saying a word and offered my hand to help him up and he accepted. He locked eyes with me once again.

“I…”

“Trent! Breakfast is ready!” His mother yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

“...I’ll be right back,” He said.

He ate and we played some video games for a while and then met up with some other guys and hung out at a local game store and we all talked about the Rangers game. That was a typical Saturday for us.

I wasn’t very interested that day, not after what had just taken place. I just kept trying my best to act normal around Trent and not “check him out” anymore. I managed to act normal I think, but he acted very distant for the rest of the day and he didn’t say a word to me as I drove him back to his house.

I stopped the car and he got out as fast as he could.

He yelled, “Bye!” as he slammed my car door shut with anxious vigor behind his silhouette.

From the angle I was looking at him it appeared as if he was walking directly into the setting sun. He was nothing but a lonely black, blank figure disappearing in the distance. It was beautiful and one of the most tragic looking images I had ever seen.

How could we be friends now that he knew? I could have denied the fact, but Trent knew when I was lying. He always could tell.

It now seemed like our friendship was over. What do I do?